A film lover’s guide to Valentine’s Day—whatever your relationship status

The Dreamers (2003) — Bernardo Bertolucci

For those who find themselves in a messy ménage à trois, perhaps The Dreamers, Bernardo Bertolucci’s 2003 erotic cult classic is the perfect Valentine’s Day watch. Set in backdrop of the 1968 student riots, the film tells the story of a young American man (Michael Pitt) who after moving to Paris to study, becomes intellectually and physically seduced by a charming pair of twins Isabelle and Theo, (Eva Green and Louis Garrel) who invite him to move in. Drawn together by their shared love of cinema the three eventually enter an illicit affair during a month the twin’s parents are away.

Directed by the master of taboo, The Dreamers attempts to delve into the unsavoury dynamics of this relationship, whilst remaining sympathetic to these characters, by highlighting the universal nature of young love.

Closer (2004) – Mike Nichols

If you find yourself in an even more complicated situation with four people instead of three, on February 14th why not watch Closer, a film as sexy as it is bleak. The film stars Julia Roberts, Clive Owen, Natalie Portman and Jude Law, as two couples whose lives become perilously entangled when the man from one relationship meets the woman from the other: leading to deceit, obsession and heartbreak from all four participants.

For those stuck in an intricate romantic web, perhaps watching these deeply broken individuals may make you feel better about your own complex situation, as it highlights the raw and sometime cruel nature of modern relationships, with its pessimistic view of love and romance. Still, despite its cynicism, the film’s backdrop of 2000s London and dialogue as seductive as its characters, makes it a pleasurably provocative Valentine’s Day watch.

Lars and the Real Girl (2007) – Craig Gillespie

We’ve all been there. You introduce your new partner to your friends, excited for the most important people in your life to meet, but you can feel that something is off. Your friends seem distant, unsure and they keep giving each other weird looks, but when you ask them for their honest opinions on your new lover, they simply say, “as long as they make you happy.” Maybe it’s because they’re rude, or too controlling or maybe it’s because, like in the film Lars and the Real Girl, they’re a plastic doll? 

Staring Ryan Gosling in his strangest role, the film follows Lars, a socially awkward man living in a small town who develops deep romantic feeling for his new girlfriend Bianca, a life-sized doll who he genuinely believes is a real person. Concerned for his mental health his community go along with Lars’s delusions and treats Bianca as a human being. This sweetly sentimental film is the right Valentine’s Day watch for those who are not just grateful for their significant other, but the friends who pretend to like them. 

Happy Together (1997) — Wong Kar-wai

If you’re starting to resent your partner but don’t know how to live without them, then perhaps you should watch Wong Kar-wai’s melancholic drama Happy Together. The film is centred around the turbulent and toxic romance between Ho Po-Wing (Leslie Cheung) and Lai Yiu-Fai (Tony Leung Chiu-wai), a gay couple from Hong Kong who travel to Argentina for a fresh start but soon drift apart and then reconcile, leading to a chaotic emotional journey. 

Focusing on the sometimes volatile nature of love, the relationship is depicted as an almost addiction, as the pair continue a vicious cycle of betrayal and reunion. Whilst directed by Wong Kar-wai, an auteur who frequently explores the bittersweet topics of emotional distance and longing, Happy Together displays a more aggressive and suffocating relationship, in comparison to the more restrained romances in his other filmography. 

The Graduate (1967) — Mike Nichols

With the recent popularity of Babygirl (directed by Halina Reijn) it feels as if the previously ignored topic of female desire, especially for older woman, is finally being represented in mainstream culture. So, if you’re a woman thriving in a typically male dominated field, why not pay homage to the original older seductress, Mrs. Robinson, portrayed by Anne Bancroft, in Mike Nichols adaptation of The Graduate. 

The film is centred around the sexual exploits of an aimless Benjamin (Dustin Hoffman) a recent university graduate, who is pressured by his parents to find a suitably respectable job and wife. However, after a he’s successfully pursued by the wife of his father’s partners, he finds himself caught between the older woman and her daughter. Whether you watch the film on your own or in the arms of your younger lover, not only enjoy the timeless soundtrack but appreciate the captivating Mrs Robinson — a woman well beyond her time. 

Portrait of a Lady on Fire (2019) — Céline Sciamma

For millennia, forbidden love remains one of the most enduring tales to date, from ancient Greek tragedies to modern love stories. Maybe it’s because so many find themselves in such a tragic situation. So, if you and the object of your affection can’t be together, maybe watch Céline Sciamma’s sapphic gem Portrait of a Lady on Fire on Valentine’s Day. 

Set in 1770, the film is centred around the forbidden love between a reluctant bride-to-be Héloïse (Adèle Haenel) and the painter hired to create her wedding portrait, Marianne (Noémie Merlant). Depicting a love defined by yearning, restraint and an inevitable separation, the pair navigate their act of romantic resistance against the social constraints of 18-century France. While our society’s attitudes towards homosexuality and female sexual autonomy have progressed, Portrait of a Lady on Fire’s themes of longing and desire, remains timeless.

Secretary (2002) — Steven Shainberg

Ask almost anyone and they’ll tell you that starting a relationship in the office is not a good idea, especially if the object of your desire is in a position of power over you. 

But if a close working proximity is making you start to fancy your boss, perhaps watch Secretary—based on the short story by Mary Gaitskill. Directed by Steven Shainberg, the film follows a sensitive and socially awkward woman, Lee Holloway (Maggie Gyllenhaal), who attempts to readjust to normal society and gain employment after being released from a mental institution. However, once she becomes the secretary of the authoritarian attorney E. Edward Grey (James Spader), their working relationship escalates to a BDSM romance. 

Although she plays the submissive role in their dynamic, the relationship in this film is shown as empowering for Lee, providing the timid character with sexual agency and an understanding of her own desires. So, for those who want to live out their office fantasies but avoid involving human resources; perhaps indulge yourself by watching Secretary.

The Lobster (2015) — Yorgos Lanthimos

If you’re taking a break from sex and romance, a typical love story may not be for you. Perhaps watch instead Yorgos Lanthimos’s first English-language feature, The Lobster — a film satirising our societies ridiculous obsession with coupling up.

Set in a dystopian near future, The Lobster depicts a world where according to law, single people are taken to a hotel where they must find a romantic partner in 45 days or risk being transformed into an animal of their choice and sent off into the woods. Following David (Colin Farrell), an everyman whose wife has just left him for someone else, The Lobster explores the horrifying consequences of a society which priorities romantic companionship. Although at times extremely funny, it’s hard to find a film so deliberately less erotic, from its scenes of forced sexual stimulation to a cruel punishment for masturbation; Lanthimos takes his commonly used theme of the absurdity of social constructs, to new extremes. 

 Past Lives (2003) — Celine Song

For those unfortunately stuck in the familiar to many, territory of still longing for your first love, why not sit down and watch a film which honestly encapsulates this experience of longing and nostalgia, Celine Song’s Past Lives. 

This beautifully melancholy film tells the story of two childhood friends Nora (Greta Lee) and Hae Sung (TeoYoo) who are separated when Nora’s family emigrate from South Korea to Canada but reconnect years later before drifting apart again. When 12 years later Hae Sung visits Nora in New York, they are forced to confront the lingering question of what could have been. Whether you’re single or in a new relationship Past Lives feels like watching an old memory, lingering long after the credits roll. Just maybe wait before you’re tempted to get in touch with a past love. 

Love and Basketball (2003) — Gina Prince-Bythewood

For those currently indulging in the warmth of a healthy relationship, there are a plethora of films with romantic happily-ever-afters for you to enjoy. Why not watch Love and Basketball: a coming-of-age romance with an authentic portrayal of young love. Directed by Gina Prince-Bythewood and produced by Spike Lee, the film follows two childhood friends, Monica Wright (Sanaa Lathan) and Quincy McCall (Omar Epps) who have a shared passion for basketball, and details their journey from childhood to adulthood. 

Caught between love and ambition, the romantic leads attempt to find a way for the two to coexist, drawing attention to the often previously ignored gendered disparity in professional basketball. In parallel to Past Lives, Love and Basketball depicts a more idealised look a childhood love, which will leave you less broken and more hopeful by the final credits. 

Bones and All (2022) — Luca Guadagnino

Sometimes the happiest of couples are the ones who find an unconventional compatibility in one another. So, if you find yourself drawn to someone with similar eccentricities, try Bones and All, Luca Guadagnino’s romantic horror. Set in the 1980s the film tells the story of Maren (Taylor Russell), a young woman struggling with cannibalistic urges and embarks on a road trip across America looking for her mother and answers about her identity. On her journey she meets and falls in love with Lee, (Timothée Chalamet), a fellow drifter with same particular hunger. 

The romance depicted in Guadagnino’s film is gentle yet haunting, as these two lonely outsiders finally find the acceptance they’ve been longing for in each other. The ultimate film for anyone who has found unexpected solace in their lover—just with hopefully less monstrous instincts.

The Lunchbox (2013) — Ritesh Batra

From online dating to swiping into Instagram DMs, it feels as if countless modern relationships start off as pen pals, with many of these connections never manifesting in an in-person meeting. If you feel like you’re having a relationship with someone you’re yet to meet, perhaps watch Lunchbox, the directorial debut from writer-director Ritesh Batra. 

The film follows Ila, portrayed by Nimrat Kaur, a young unhappy housewife living in Mumbai. When she accidentally sends a prepared lunch box meant for her neglectful husband, to Saajan (Irrfan Khan), a soon to retire widower, they form an unexpected emotional connection through handwritten notes exchanged in the lunchbox – eventually sharing their joys, regrets and dreams. Although they never meet, the unexpected pair find in each other an intimate yet unconventional romance, and an escape from the loneliness of their lives—relatable to anyone who feels like their online lover understands them better than anyone IRL.

Moonlight (2016) — Barry Jenkins

If you’re torn between your true desire and the pressure of societal expectations; whether that’s due to unfortunate repressed sexuality or family restraints, then Moonlight could be the perfect film for you. Following Chiron, a quiet, sensitive young black man growing up in a rough Miami neighbourhood, the film centres around his attempt to navigate his masculinity and sexuality across three stages of his life—from childhood and adolescence to adulthood. 

Although a story about identity, there’s a strong focus on his relationship with Kevin, his first love, who betrays him before attempting to reunite in adulthood. When Chiron grows up, hardened by the restraints of masculinity, his willingness to embrace his real self fades, as he must unlearn the lessons forced upon him by a restrictive society. Despite being set in the 1980s, there’s a familiarity to Moonlight, showing a tender but bruised love between these two characters, which finally provide each other with a true emotional safe space.